Family Dynamics and Boundaries

Boundary Violations

• Parents showing up unannounced

• Excessive phone calls/texting

• Expecting access to private marital matters

• In-laws inserting themselves into decisions

Lack of Spousal Loyalty / Feeling Unsupported

• One spouse won’t defend the other

• “That’s just how my mom is.”

• Refusing to set boundaries

• Prioritizing parents over spouse (This creates deep resentment).

Over-Involvement in Parenting

• Criticizing parenting style

• Ignoring house rules

• Undermining discipline

• Competing for authority with grandchildren

Financial Entanglements

• Lending money repeatedly

• Supporting extended family financially

• In-laws expecting financial support

• Adult siblings living with the couple

Criticism & Disrespect

• Subtle insults

• Passive-aggressive behavior

• Open disapproval of the marriage

• Talking negatively behind spouse’s back

Living Together (Temporary or Long-Term)

• In-laws moving in

• Adult siblings moving in

• Privacy loss

• Household authority confusion

Meddling in Marital Conflict

• Taking sides

• Encouraging separation

• Giving unhelpful advice

• Spreading private information

Every healthy marriage eventually reaches a point where it must mature beyond extended family pressure. This is not about dishonoring parents. It is about establishing proper order and protection for your union.

Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

“Leave” does not mean abandonment or disrespect. It means a reordering of priorities. Before marriage, a person’s strongest relational loyalty is naturally directed toward their parents. After marriage, that devotion is redirected to their spouse. Parents are still to be honored, as Scripture commands, but they no longer occupy the central place of relational authority. That place now belongs within the marriage covenant.

In Solving Marriage Problems, Jay E. Adams explains:

“Leaving and cleaving are both essential. Bond ties cannot be broken unless there is leaving. New ties cannot be established unless the old ones are gone. The loyalty concerns and authority structure that exist prior to marriage must not be carried over unchanged into the marriage. A whole new relationship with one's parents must be established. Nothing can be exactly the same as before. Marriage is a commitment to become a new person with brand-new relationships and responsibilities.”

Marriage, then, is not simply an extension of one’s former family life, it is the formation of something entirely new. A new household is established, new responsibilities are embraced, and a distinct family identity begins. When this transition is handled biblically, unity strengthens and the marriage is protected from divided loyalties.

Leave Father and Mother

The word “cleave” means to cling tightly, to be joined together, to pursue unity. It speaks of protection, emotional bonding, and true partnership. Marriage is not a loose attachment; it is a deliberate fastening of two lives into one covenant union.

To cleave means that husband and wife guard their unity intentionally. They refuse to allow outside voices, family opinions, or in-law conflicts to wedge distance between them. Extended family may have influence, but they must never have control. When comments, criticism, or pressure from relatives begin to shape a spouse’s decisions more than their partner’s voice, cleaving is weakened.

Cleave requires that a couple stand together, even when that means setting boundaries. It means processing outside input privately as husband and wife before responding. It means choosing loyalty over appeasement. A healthy marriage says, “We face this together.” Unity must always take precedence over pleasing others. When a couple protects their bond in this way, they strengthen trust, deepen intimacy, and build a marriage that cannot easily be divided.

Cleave Unto

Most Common In-Law Issues That Create Marital Stress.

Let's Get You The Support You Need

Learn how to handle in-law challenges in a biblical way.

BACK

Discover Tools for Faith-Filled Parenting

Practical, Christ-centered resources to help parents guide their children with wisdom, love, and faith.