Dead Bedroom

By Tarley Collins

April 2023

Though sex is a powerful gift, there are many reasons why couples stop having sex or why one spouse may no longer desire it. Whatever the reason may be, if both spouses actively and willingly work toward resolving the issue, not only does intimacy grow, but the marriage itself becomes more connected and secure.

Some of the most common reasons couples experience a decline in sexual intimacy include the following:

Emotional disconnection
Exhaustion, chronic stress, and life overload
Unequal or overwhelming household responsibilities
Resentment that was never addressed or resolved
Past betrayal or broken trust
Harsh, critical, or demeaning words
Lack of affection outside the bedroom
Differences in sexual desire
Differences in expectations surrounding sex
Absence of romance, pursuit, or playfulness
Feeling emotionally or physically unsafe
Poor or avoided communication about sex
Body image struggles or low self-esteem
Spiritual disconnection
Power struggles or issues of control
Major life transitions (children, aging, changing roles)
Hormonal or medical issues, such as:
Postpartum changes
Menopause
Low testosterone
Chronic pain or illness

If the reason for a lack of sexual intimacy is a medical issue, both spouses are advised to seek professional medical help together. However, outside of medical concerns or a mutually agreed-upon season of prayer and fasting, the Bible is clear about the importance of sexual intimacy within marriage.

Scripture teaches in 1 Corinthians 7:3–5:

“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise, also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise, also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency”

Defraud ye not simply means “do not withhold sexual intimacy from your spouse unjustly or selfishly.” In other words, each spouse has a responsibility to lovingly meet the sexual needs of the other, except for mutually agreed breaks for prayer or fasting.

Ways a Husband Can Help Improve His Wife’s Sex Drive

Ways a Wife Can Help Improve Her Husband’s Sex Drive

Emotional Connection

Be affectionate outside the bedroom: hugs, hand-holding, gentle touches, and compliments build emotional safety.

Relieve Stress & Life Overload

Share household responsibilities. Cooking, cleaning, and childcare.
Offer help without being asked. Show initiative in daily life to reduce her mental and physical fatigue.

Enhance Romance and Playfulness

Surprise her occasionally. Thoughtful notes, small gifts, or acts of service can spark desire.
Plan intentional time together. Date nights, walks, or even small gestures like cooking together.
Show genuine appreciation. Verbalize what you love about her appearance, personality, and character.

Emotional Connection

Show appreciation and affirmation. Compliment him genuinely on his character, work, or efforts.
Encourage and support his goals. Celebrate achievements and show confidence in his abilities.

Relieve Stress & Life Overload

Avoid unnecessary criticism. Gentle communication keeps the emotional environment positive.
Encourage rest and downtime. Allow him space to relax and recharge without guilt.